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**These letters are my half of real correspondances with an anonymous friend**

So, I think I am finally about done with the novel I've been working on for the better part of the last five years. I hesitate to say this because the road to this point has been a rocky one, filled with false hope at the end of every tunnel, a greater peek always somehow emerging whenever I let myself believe I'd reached the top.

But I have gone through this process methodically, and I no longer have any doubt that this project is in its final days.

Reflecting on the last five years of my life, I half-believe that this novel has dragged me around by the collar, forcing me through an extraordinary hell. Yet I have evidence of only good fortune around me.

I can't even remember the person I was or the persons I've been. I can't remember the person I was a five years ago, nor the person I was last night. I have a lot of confusion about it all, but I think I've learned to move on. I've learned to manage the questions I have about myself, the questions about why I'm here.

I can still look back at all the different stages I've gone through in my recent life. There was a while when I thought I was going to be famous; I think that changed me, thinking I was going to become famous. There was a while when I was married. That was a side of myself I had never seen. I was angry a lot and anxious all the time. Then there was the part of me that was incredibly happy to be married. Everything dissolves too quickly in my mind for me to understand it.

I made a choice to focus on the present. To focus on who I'm being and who I want to become. This choice seems to straighten my mind out. It makes me feel okay with myself and with the universe.

As for other things, recently, I have been working for Zico Coconut water as a brand ambassador. I also do promotions and deliveries for them. Today, my co-worker Mark and I made a few deliveries in Manhattan. I enjoy entering buildings through the service quarters and getting to see the rarely seen inner-workings of these places. Today, I made dropped some products in the meat freezer of a grocery store and in the cavernous basement of a corner bodega.

I enjoy working for Zico, especially since they are so supportive of my lifestyle and my artistic output. They let me make my own hours, so I am free to work as an author and an adventurer and a storyteller. They also give me an unlimited supply of free products. My fridge is stocked top to bottom with Zicos.

Tonight is the night that Dave and I are shooting the video of me hanging upside down in a moving Subway car. Gotta get ready.

-P