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Sorry it's been so long. I don't know why really except that I've been on a positive upswing and have been busy and feeling very strong. I was in Springfield yesterday (had been since Sunday night). I went there to see my mother and my sisters and their kids for a few days, and to get some of my stuff that I'd been keeping there while living on the road. Just a few months ago a friend and I moved into an apartment owned by my brother-in-law. My buddy is doing repairs in exchange for our rent as he is a former carpenter. The place is in a nice blue collar neighborhood in Astoria Queens. It's fun to get to know all the people of different backgrounds. There are a lot of Czechs here, Polish and Dominican's too. Lots of Indians that operate the corner stores. And Mexicans who run corner restaurants, Chinese with restaurants too. I like getting to know everyone. It's nice to have my own place finally, to be able to have more than a bag or two worth of stuff. Right now I have a book case full of books, a dresser full of clothes, a futon bed, a cowhide mat, and two wooden trunks filled with this and that. I've also acquired a desk, a couch, a love seat, some dishes, and some framed posters to put on the wall. The apartment has three bedrooms, one of which I use as an office. It's nice to have a regular place to write. I think that has helped open things up for me. I have no idea how long I will stay in New York, but I figure I need to slow some things down so I can really dig in and get some work done. I have some projects I want to complete after I finish with this novel. I have very little to go now, but I think this is the moment to really take my time, to do things to my standards, to make sure the work meets the bar I've set for it. My goal for myself, and for the novel I'm writing, is to create something genuine, something original, something honest -- encapsulated in an entertaining story. I wanted to shoot for the moon with this book. I wanted to do the whole thing with the intent of creating the greatest product I can create; something that would be worthy of even the greatest prize. It's important to me that I focus on that part of the process, that I not worry about trying to make the book popular or profitable. I think the product I've created thus far has met my standards. Though I'm confident I will make some money off of this, I'm not willing to use cash or others' praise as a measuring stick for my success. I want to judge this by my standards. I want to judge this by what the process has done to me. I want to be okay with the pain it's caused. I want to see the big picture. I can't wait to move on with the next phase of my life. But I also want to enjoy this process while it lasts. I've been thinking a lot about women recently. I've decided that one woman will probably never please me. I want to have multiple open relationships with women all over the world. For a while, I was doing pretty well at setting that up here in the States. There was a time when I had friends in Florida, New Orleans, North Dakota, Virginia, Houston, Austin, and San Francisco. This amazing period was short lived however. Two of the girls got married and stopped talking with me, which was for the best, unfortunately. Then I got married and all of my remaining relationships evaporated. I just want to be able to enjoy people. And I need so much time alone. I don't want anyone to want me too much either. I want people to be okay with me leaving. But I still like spending time with people, conversations, friendships. I like caring for people and I like people caring for me. But I don't want obligation, and I don't want people to feel obligated to me. Some people would call that immature, and maybe it is for some people. But I want to build my life around writing and around my own spirit of adventure and exploration. I think this is the most sane thing I can do. For a long while now I have been working on sets of rules and principles both to guide me as a person and as a novelist. I think the struggle of the novelist to create is a metaphor for life. I think the principles are transcendent. I seek one to understand the other. Anyway, diving into this as I have, I'm certainly not too concerned with someone else's opinion of maturity. I got into this without knowing what it would take, without asking what it would pay, without any promises or certainty. I've learned that I'm doing this for the right reasons: my goals, my development, my performances. I want to be the greatest I can be. I think that's the best thing I can do for myself and for the world. I really just want to be myself, to be authentic, to be genuine. I want to do it my own way, with my own rules, not living by anyone else's laws or traditions. I need to go to bed because I have to drive the delivery van in about seven hours, probably my favorite job of the many I've had so far.